to him:
maybe u wud not blog abt it anymore... but i will,NO!!! not to continue the fight.. but juz to clear my mind..(i been keeping this for so long, never got the chance to tell anyone)..
n i swear, this is not to make u malu... this is to make everybody out there 2 realise that no one is perfect n nobody is allowed to judge each other...

can i ask u, how sincere are u??
u msg me, wen i was on the way back home...(29/09/07, 1.27am)
u wanna asked for forgiveness.. i said i will call u once im home...
but wen i called u, u didnt ans... why??

back to a month plus ago...
u did the same, but that time u were drunk, calling me, crying...
today..u even msg me, if my family knows, u wud like to apologise to them..(29/09/07, 1.33am)
no, im not making ur waterface drop...

BUT

u put me in a situation that i cant find a way out...
the best way out *i wish im so evil*, i dun wan to even know anything...
i dun wan to even forgive u.. (but, sedangkn nabi maafkn umatnya)
i will never forget every single word that come from u, it hurt me so much that, there are times, i wish i cud juz be so EGO n reply this... who cares... See You in Hell jerk...

but no, i dun wan.. coz im not that kind of person..(u may call me watever u wish, but im not)
i pray to God every night.. let me be strong coz i got alot to think abt, from kl to pasir ris, i have alot of other problems that need my attention.. When im think im alright (even my family n frens think im not) u shock me, with only one msg... but it disturb me (i wonder wat u want)
U remember u msg my lover girl, u will never break the promise u made to urself, u will never contact me... but u did...(wen i deleted ur no from my hp, n wish we wud never meet or contact in million years.. u did)

dear, sometimes i wish, we never exist..
u know why, i thot wen u deleted ur blog, everything will be alright.. *deep down i hav this feeling it will continue*
but wen u went online just now... Full moon log in to my msn... he saw u dedicated ur nick to me..
wen he told me, i dont believe at all.. coz i know, all this while when im defending myself.. im telling the truth.. to ur mum n everybody..
yes i admit i told ur mum, cik saya sayangkan dia.. but your actions makes me hate u so much..
like how i hate alonso(i keep cursing him every moment i see him on tv)...i dun wish to hear, see or have anything related to u *that moment i wish i cud reformat my brain so it will not have even a single sec of memories we shared*.. wish its either u or me die at that time..
but i cant.. coz this is life.. no matter how hard it be.. i have to face it.. n im facing it alone..
expressing what im feeling all this while...

here i list a few questions that i wanna ask u.. but u never answer my call, even tho u the one who msg me first coz u wanna talk to me..

why u keep changing story line (u shud know wat im talking abt)
do i look like a guy? (if yes why u choose me at the first place)
am i sherk?? (i thot at the end of the day, he still mr nice guy)
ape dosa i, till u make me suffer like this??
why u keep breaking ur promises (i hope n pray u will mark ur words, its for ur own good)
why u keep bringing other ppl in to settle ur problem??

answer me.. i want the truth..only the truth...
after that, we have our own life to carry on with...(not bossy or wat.. i just wan to focus on family)


GUYS, im not dissing him or wat.. im juz letting out everything.. after this, i want a life without all this problem.. dont get the wrong info wen u read this post.. seriously.. im really exhausted..
all i want to do is to eat my painkillers n sleeping pills n go to sleep..
im tired with all this.. one word, REGRET!!
but its all fate... i cant run away from it or blame god.. coz all this will make us even more wise n mature, so we wont make the same mistake all over again... after this, let us start a new chapter..
n u guys are allowed to judge...but keep it to urself...
i will make my decision if im going to forgive him or anything.. but i will tell him after he answer all the questions above...

im sorry is anybody felt hurt by this post or previous posts...
and to him, im really sorry.. after this, chatper end... to me, we never exist..